Walk Ons, Part Deux

Yesterday I wrote about an event that happened almost ten years ago that still makes me smile. It was about someone who lives in Japan and we had not seen or heard from Sushi since her graduation in 2002 from the same school my daughter attended, Oldfields School. Amazingly, last night Mrs. Commish received a Facebook email from Sushi, the same day that I wrote about an incident that she is probably unaware of. How do you explain a coincidence like that?
Anyway let's continue with my discussion about Walk Ons.
If you play golf regularly you will be placed by the starter with many different players to complete a foursome and keep the pace of play moving. For the most part I think golfers, because of inherent insecurities about golfing abilities, would rather go off as a single and just play their game and not feel like they are being judged. Usually this feeling lasts less than the first hole. You tee off, you whiff your second shot, and you see that the guys you are playing with are no better than you. Or, if they are, they were once where you are now and have some sort of sympathy for your plight. Often by the second or third hole you have sized each other up and have a kidding/small talk patois going between everyone. This makes for a comfortable and enjoyable round of golf but for the most part no one remembers anything about the people you played with. There are, however, some that remain as a permanent part of your memory.
Like the time Mt. Pleasant Golf Course instituted fivesomes. This meant that every week we had a walk on with us. That year The Snowman missed a lot of rounds and for a few weeks in a row we played with a dad and his son. The kid was a little wild but at about 12 years old he really could outdistance any of us. I wonder if he is playing for a college team these days.
Another time we were teamed up with an elderly gent who got maybe 150 yards off the first tee, but right down the middle. The first hole is a par 5 about 560 yards, basically straight. We were at least 100 yards ahead of him but scattered to the left and right and thinking that this was going to be a long round. The old fellow hits his next shot barely past our tee shot and we pound our shots in a display of army golf (left-right-left, etc.). The old guy hits his third and is still 140 yards from the green. Hits his fourth up to the green and one putts for par. Meanwhile we are four in the bunker, five in the other bunker, six to the fringe, seven close, miss the putt for snow and record a nine. See, we were right, it looks like it will be a long round. I don't remember much else about this guy because he rode a cart and we all walked, but it was amazing to watch him not be long enough to reach any greens in regulation but play such a beautifully controlled game that I doubt if he was more than 3 or four over par for the nine holes. As it turned out we didn't hold him up too much because in the BGA we might play golf badly; but, we play golf quickly. Eighty-five year-old guy who we outdrive by a mile and he calmly beats all of us by 7 or 8 strokes a side.
Then there was the guy that was matched up with us another time. We went through the meeting and greeting and told him we weren't very good but we were quick, etc., etc. He says it doesn't matter to him because he's just out for a relaxed round. From the whites we hit our usual left side and right side shots, not too far but, we are sure they will be findable. This Walk On guy pounds his from the tips right down the middle a beautiful, PGA-quality shot. We search to find our balls and get ready to hit, look around the trees to make sure it's clear and this new guy is nowhere to be seen. He evidently marched out to his ball, hit his second to the green and continued his "relaxing" round without benefit of our company. Was it something we said? We literally didn't see him the rest of the day. One shot and he knew he didn't belong in the BGA!
Then there was the fellow with the putting "ticks." Every putt, and I mean even 10-inchers, he would line up, take exactly 11 practice strokes and then miss his putt. Don't miss playing with him.
There was a cute girl that we enjoyed playing with even though it was mildly embarrassing to be beaten so badly by her. But after the old guy we were getting used to everyone beating us. Never saw her again, either.
One hot shot stockbroker from New York was moving to the area and walked on with us at Mt. Pleasant (a nice muni in Baltimore). He actually was a very pleasant guy once you got past his "big person" routine. By the time we reached the sixth hole he asked us very seriously about which country club he should join. I had to tell him that I was sadly disappointed in his judge of character because we certainly aren't the ones he should be asking about country clubs. Maybe he saw something more in us then we do ourselves. Nah!
There are also the guys you hook up with that become regular playing partners. At Longview we used to walk on before the official first tee time and over time we would be teamed up with a fellow named Dean Johnson and got to be golf friends. For several years we played routinely together every Sunday morning until he got married and changed his routine.
I've was teamed up once with a guy that looked familiar and it turned out that we were in elementary school together 40 years before. Another time I played with someone who had a daughter that was a friend of my daughter. They had been in the same class for several years in Montessori. After talking a while we found out that we had met twelve of fourteen years prior.
Walk Ons. Mostly unrememberable but often worth your time. Hope you have a few Walk On memories of your own.

Tiger Would, If He Could

Each year after The Myrtle Experience, the BGA has a certificate that is awarded to the player that has the lowest stroke/hole ratio. It is called "The Tiger Would If He Could Award." Obviously it kiddingly m0cks our golfing abilities because even the best among us is pretty doggone bad. This posting is not in that vane. Sadly I don't find much to be humorous about today. First of all, no matter how we feel personally about Tiger, he is not immune to having jokes made about him. In fact, some of them will soon be posted on the BGA website. I am, however, not posting all of them because, in my opinion, Elin and the cubs should not be subjected to ridicule.

Would Tiger take back all of the affairs (and I don't feel that the word "alleged" is necessary here) if he could? I would like to think that he would. However, on the radio this morning I heard an advertising executive saying that Tiger's endorsements would be solid with his major companies because the public (that's us, folks!) will come out in larger numbers than ever to see Tiger now that his "indiscretions" have created such "buzz." Does this make any sense to you? I'm ashamed for us that notoriety and celebrityhood hold such sway with us.

Tiger appears to be shameful of his actions being made public and in that shame I think we might find hope. Our society seems to have made shame an unnecessary emotion. You should not judge me, I am free to do as I wish. Therein, as is oft said, lies the rub.

Sadly this attitude carries over to what we expect from our political class. Our elected betters seem to try to outdo themselves in poor behavior. They are expected to be crooks and we poor fools who vote them in don't condemn them but instead we point out how much worse the other side was. We have become relativistic in our approach to behavior and in so doing we have lost our way. Bad is bad, not less bad or more bad, just bad!

Here in Baltimore our Mayor Sheila Dixon has been convicted of illegally using gift cards for herself that were intended for needy children. What has the reaction been? Sheila says no problem, she is going to continue doing the people's business just like before. Her supporters are encouraging people to come out this weekend and "show our support for our mayor." There is no apology, there is no thought of stepping down; there is no shame. Her actions now are aimed towards parsing the law to point out the technicalities of whether she used the cards in an official or unofficial capacity. One would allow her to remain in office, one would require her to step down. What's the difference? Bad is bad. If she "unofficially" used the cards for personal benefit am I to believe that her behavior is less shameful?

Back to Tiger Woods. I heard that Jaspar Parnivik is now sorry that he ever introduced Elin to Tiger. How he feels is up to him and I can see how he would be disappointed in Tiger's behavior but it is not his responsibility to screen Elin's choices. At some point in our lives we have to become responsible for our own decisions and choices.

Tiger has quite a job ahead of him rebuilding that trust he has lost with his wife. By being ashamed of his behavior I think it is an important first step to being forgiven and thereby attain redemption and acceptance. Shame does not have to be a permanent condition, but it does seem to be a vital stage if there is to be any real healing.

Look, Tiger is entitled to live his life as he wishes but he does not live in a vacuum and along with his actions there will be reactions. Unlike our elected betters, Tiger appears to be acknowledging that he behaved badly and has not tried to point out how much worse other athletes have behaved. In this I see hope.

Will I continue to watch Tiger on the golf course? Sure. He plays the game in a way that I can't even begin to. Will I look towards Tiger as a role model? No. Being a role model is not a choice, it is an honor and Tiger's behavior has not earned him that reward. Can he become a role model? Of course, but that shouldn't be his goal. His goal should be to heal his family. His cubs are still young enough to love him unconditionally. Healing his relationship with his wife (and don't forget his mother!) will be much harder. I wish him the best of luck in doing this and if he acts from his heart and not from some PR department directives, I think Tiger will give all of us a chance to forgive him. And that would make all of us just a little more human and humane.

As for all of our elected betters, fat chance they will ever change. Thank God for golf and the chance to make all of that political class irrelevant for a few hours.

From The Commish

Welcome to the first blog from the Central Offices of the Bad Golfers Association. Since it is the off-season here in Baltimore, there is less to report than during the prime duffing season.

Usually at this time of year we are getting ready for our annual Myrtle Beach Experience; but, for the first time in almost 20 years it looks like the links at MB have nothing to fear from the intrepid Snowman, Commish, Mr. Fifteen , and, of course, Mr. FourSkin. The economy might have done what losing 127 balls in one trip couldn't...stop the BGA from their attempts to master the game of golf.

If you get a chance check out our website, www.BadGolfersAssociation.com. It is always under construction as we attempt to get more of our records and statistics out. Our purpose is not so much to mock ourselves as it is to celebrate the enjoyment of playing golf, even bad golf.

Remember our motto, "Drive for Show, Putt for Snow!"

Til next time, hit 'em straight or hit 'em crooked, just do it quickly.