Thursday, January 20, 2011

Psychic Vampires vs a Night Well-Slept

The last TV program worth watching is over and it’s time for bed. You complete your nighttime rituals, turn out the lights, and … Nothing. Still awake. Tick…Tick …Tick. The small clock across the room that you didn’t even know made a sound announces its presence and in the stillness of night every sound is magnified. And, what’s worse, you’re awake and hearing every noise.

We know that a good night’s sleep makes everything go smoother the next day but problems, anxieties, and Psychic Vampires conspire to keep sleep away. I started using the term Psychic Vampires thirty-five years ago to describe what it felt like being around a certain relative who shall remain nameless. After leaving a family function, be it an everyday dinner or, even worse, a holiday gathering, I would feel so spent both physically and mentally that I felt like a walking advertisement for psychotropic drugs.

Psychic Vampires aren’t just people we would rather avoid. They are not Aunt Matilda who talks constantly about people and things you have zero interest in; they are not the cousin that always has a get rich scheme that he wants you to invest in. Psychic Vampires are those people who are so negative that you can literally feel your energy just escaping your body. If you discuss the birth of a child, they go on and on about the difficulties of parenting; if politics is the subject, they monopolize the talk with bombastic rants about this S.O.B. or that jerk of a Senator. Health? Well, no one has had things tougher than they have and then they proceed to re-tell all of their problems beginning with the time they were in an accident in 1937 and continuing to the present where those damn doctors who can’t do anything right …etc. etc. etc.

After getting home, sleep would not come. Reading helped but some nights I could read 100 pages or more on a lively topic like Richard Feynman and quantum physics before sleep would come. Then, more often than not, if I fell asleep I would drop the book either on Mrs. Commish or the poor dog sleeping next to the bed.

Between Psychic Vampires and “normal” worries triggered by other things we are plagued with in this hectic world, my sleep rhythms were not very rhythmical. I had trouble turning off my mind so that sweet oblivion could overtake me. Then one day Mrs. Commish and I discovered a sure-fire way to go to sleep literally almost before our heads hit the pillow.

First, I check before family functions and if “The Vampire” is coming I suddenly get a 24-hour flu and have to stay home that day. Secondly, and most importantly, we listen to Books on CD when we get ready for sleep.

It doesn’t matter what the book is. We have “read” 1000-pagers like “Pillars of the Earth” and fluff like Harry Potter or True Blood novels and never do either of us stay awake for even 10 minutes. We fall asleep so quickly that most of the books we get from the library have to be renewed so that we can find out the ending. It is wonderful as our minds don’t dwell on the day’s troubles and we listen to someone reading to us. It’s almost like being a child again at bedtime.

How do I know I fall asleep in 10 minutes or less you ask. Well, it’s easy to tell because the tracks on most stories are about three minutes long and we have to find where we last remember the story and it is never, never ever three tracks from where we started the previous night. In fact, more times than not we don't make it to the next track.

Having trouble falling asleep? Rid yourself of those Psychic Vampires in your life and replace them with a story about real bloodsuckers! Try it and I’m sure you will look forward to bedtime and refreshing sleep without the need for pharmaceuticals.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Hide the Silverware, Congress is Back

As Makai, my huge Anatolian Shepherd, and I took our walk this morning, the sun was just thinking about rising for the day, the eastern sky was a beautiful red-orange, and the cold, crisp 16 degree morning was full of peace and promise. The holidays were over and they had been nothing but a wonderful time. Even Makai seemed to walk at a more brisk pace, as if he, too, were enjoying the beckoning day.

Why, I wondered, was everything so perfect this morning? Then it hit me. For the last couple of weeks I had assiduously avoided thinking about politics, politicians, and the crumbling of my country. What a pleasant time it had been; but, now it is early January and Congress is back in session, so to paraphrase Will Rogers, “Hide the silverware, Honey, Congress is back in town.”

Our Elected Betters just can’t help themselves. They spend; they are addicted to the mother’s milk of politics…money. If any of the rest of us Great Unwashed out here had to straighten out these problems, it could be done in a heartbeat because Congress and the lawyers that draft their legislation have made everything so complex that we are moribund. Fear of offending any group has made us totally unable to make logical and sensible changes in the way our government operates. We, the Great Unwashed, are used to offending people and making choices that are right for us and our families and letting others make their own choices and then letting them live with the consequences of their own decisions.

So, herewith are a few of my suggestions that I would make if tomorrow I became “King for a Little While”:
  • We have unfunded mandates, such as pensions, so from today forward all government hires will be encouraged to invest in their own 401K or IRA programs as defined pensions are no more.
  • Congressional pensions for all future electees are also eliminated with the same proviso as above;
  • Congressional salaries are doubled and congressional staffs are halved. Congressional sessions will be three months in Washington and then three months returning home to their districts. This simple change will allow our Elected Betters to stay in touch with their constituents. Senators and Representatives that live in the DC area and do not return to their home districts will be deemed in contempt of the Will of Congress and be expelled.
  • All Departments will have their budgets frozen at the current funding levels for 5 years;
  • Every bill will be single subject legislation; no more “Christmas Tree” bills. Line item vetoes will also be in effect.
  • Withholding taxes make things too easy for us Great Unwashed to forget that we pay taxes; therefore, they will be phased out over a five year period. Then, every April 15 we will have to pay our taxes instead of being happy that the Government is giving us a refund;
  • Bring home our military from overseas. Let the people who live in Korea, Japan, Kuwait, Germany, Philippines, Bosnia, etc. protect themselves. I no longer want to be the “Policemen of the World.”
  • United Nations headquarters and the den of thieves that inhabit it will be forcibly encouraged to relocate in one of the third-world countries that they wish to help so much.
  • Every new bill submitted for consideration will also have a list of 10 current bills attached to it. From this list of 10, Congress will choose 5 to be eliminated before any new legislation is signed into law.
  • No troops can be committed for more than 180 days without a Declaration of War by Congress;
  • No state or jurisdiction can aid illegal aliens with public funds. If churches or private organizations wish to help them with food and shelter then that is their right. However, that being said, illegal means illegal and when found they will be detained and/or deported. Employers hiring illegals are subject to heavy fines and/or imprisonment.
  • America needs petroleum and until alternatives are practical then we will exploit all oil resources.
I believe this is a good start for the first 90-day session. Admittedly, many Senators and Representatives will not be met with happy constituents and perhaps might even lose their next election. I don’t see a downside to this. After all, they will have done their public service and then returned to private life, just the way the system is supposed to have worked.

In the next 90-day session we might think about how to handle illegal drugs, organized gangs, social security, etc., etc., etc. But, at the very least, we will have begun.