As Makai and I left the house this morning to take our walk, we were shadowed by one of our cats, a red tabby named Timmy Twos. Timmy walked better than the dog since he actually strolled next to me and didn’t have to check out every tree and cornstalk to see who had left a secret message in the last 24 hours.
The significance of Timmy walking with me was that it indicated that the weather was nice enough for a lazy home body to step outside. No, I am not talking about me, I am talking about Timmy Twos. And the significance of nicer weather is that the golfing season is fast approaching. In years past, the end of the football season (the Ravens were recently eliminated from the playoffs) meant the approach of the baseball season but since we have The Baltimore Orioles to root for this does not give us much hope. Twelve consecutive years of losing has wearied me of getting excited about Spring Training, so, today immediately after March Madness I have the golfing season. In fact, our season starts as soon as Daylight Savings Time kicks in.
Last week I received an email from a Chapter of the Bad Golfers Association in Florida that stumbled across our BGA website. While they were very complimentary about the quality of our website, they completely mocked the quality of our golf. Well, if we had golfing weather all year ‘round we could play better bad golf, too! Actually this year I am looking forward to playing mediocre golf and winning the coveted Race for the Cheeseburger, 2010 edition. For those of you who have not visited our website and are not familiar with The Race for the Cheeseburger, let me explain.
For almost twenty years The Bad Golfers Association has been playing a weekly twilight round of golf. In the beginning we played “Skins” for 25 cents a hole. As our games evolved we realized that we were more interested in bragging rights than in winning money so a few years ago we came up with our “Ultimate Golf Game.” Now, every week the four of us play for a single beer. Full handicaps are used (these range from 6 to 17 for 9 holes, we truly are The BGA!) and the player with the lowest net score wins a beer from the player with the highest net score. The two players in the middle neither win nor lose and come away with just a little more experience. In one round last year a single stroke separated the winner from the three losers so three beers were won. To us these beers are precious as we keep detailed Beer Statistics with current standings of beers won and beers lost. But the supreme prize is saved for the winner of the yearlong “Race for the Cheeseburger.”
In order to win this most coveted prize four statistics are tracked. Since even within the BGA our abilities are widely separated we needed to have a completely fair competition. Once again, The Commish in his infinite wisdom came up with the perfect game. We track the percentage of fairways hit, greens hit in regulation, pars, and birdies. These are totaled and the player who has improved the most from the previous season wins a cheeseburger and fries at our local watering hole. Sadly, in 2008 no one won as everyone’s statistics backslid. The Snowman won in 2005, Mr. Fifteen won the next year, 2007 was the year of The Commish, and last season Mr. FourSkin won his first Cheeseburger Award. The fairness of this seems to show itself in the fact that no one has won back to back seasons.
Now that the choice of games is settled, we just need to see who records the first double digit score in 2010 and who will be the first to not clear the road on the First Hole tee shot at Mt. Pleasant. Last year, for the first time, the BGA proudly cleared this obstacle in all 30 rounds (it is, after all, at least 20 yards). Don’t take this to mean that our drives were good, as many ended up closer to the ninth green than the first fairway; but, the important thing is we all cleared the road. Mission accomplished.
C’mon Spring, I am ready for all that you bring.
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